you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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