I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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