I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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