I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
