They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
