Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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