i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
