so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
