you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I color on your dick again?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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