we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
