He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
