i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
