May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
