My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize