Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
