"it" just moved
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
