The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
