I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
