I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
