How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
zippers are such a cool invention
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
