and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
