he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
