Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
