Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize