I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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