I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
