I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
