security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
