he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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