If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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