I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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