I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
handjob tips. give me some.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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