Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
