whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
