I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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