And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
