While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
