watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize