he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
