Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
