It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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