My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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