My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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