i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
