I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
