I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
