I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
