I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
soo... how was my night?
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