So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
