worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
