discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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