areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
