I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
