i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
