ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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