What a fucking waste of an outfit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
