Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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