next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize