so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
