the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
