dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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