my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize