Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
